Is Their a Heaven?


a good scene

punch me like you mean it you hit like a girl

i am a girl

a scared defencless little girl so theres actually a person in there again hands up

yeah you scared


gonna act like a little baby and cry and stay in the house all the time

shut up

picture it picture everything that hurt you and fight back


>~ She says she doesn't care, but her eyes tell a different story.
~ Behind my smile is a hurting heart. Behind my laugh, I'm falling apart. Look closely at me and you will see, the girl I am...isn't me.
~ To tell you the truth, I've just been avoiding everything.
~Don't say you know me, when I don't even know myself.
~ I think I'm afraid of being happy because everytime I'm happy, something bad always happens.
~ Just once I want someone to look at me right away and think I was beautiful. Not after they get to know me, or after they see inside my soul, just me. I want to walk in a room and light up, not blend.
~ I know God wouldn't give me anything I can't handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much.
~ A golden heart stopped beating, working hands went to rest. He broke many hearts to prove to us, he only takes the best.
~ When I do something great, no one ever seems to remember, but when I do something wrong, no one can ever seem to forget.
~There is only one rain cloud in the sky...and it's raining on me. Somehow I'm not surprised.
~ I wake up and think dreams are real. I sleep so I don't have to feel.
~ It's not that I wanna have it, it's just that I wanna deserve it.
~ I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years, or just not exist, or just not be aware that you do exist, or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.
-The Perks of Being A Wildflower-
~ Walking down the hall with her head held high, every hair is in its place, sees a friend and she waves hi, wearing a smile on her perfect face. Friendly, smart, and beautiful, everyone adores this girl. Seemingly content, her head's in a whirl. Inside she's unhappy, and doesn't know why. She lays in her bed at night and cries. She doesn't know what causes the tears; how could this princess have insecurities or fears? She has it all. A pretty smile, many friends, a great guy, the newest trends, her family has money, she gets good grades, has her own car, and her makeup never fades. Always looking happy, every single day, but inside she's feeling a different way. This is wonder girl, she's everyone's dream, but things aren't always what they seem.
~ I don't deserve you...I never did.
~ Behind my smile is everything you'll never understand.
~ No matter what, no matter who, no matter what I do, somebody hates me. -Reel Big Fish-
~ Cause fucking up takes practice, and I feel I'm well rehearsed.
~ I didn't want to admit it. It was easier to lie. Hide the hurt and emptiness to smile instead of cry.
~ I've learned it takes years to build up trust, but only seconds to destroy it.
~ Life doesn't hurt until you think about how much things have changed, who you've lost along the way, and how much of it was your fault.
~ Why can't you just love me for who I am?
~ Have you ever felt so alone and nothing makes sense? Well that's how I feel right now...I feel like I'm facing everything myself, with nothing but tears and a fake smile...
~ I don't know if I'm getting better or just used to the pain.
~ Sometimes I wish I could just be a little kid again. So when life gets tough you can just play pretend. I wanna go back to when Santa did exist. When your daddy was the only boy you ever kissed. When Disney World was the best place to be. When the only movies you could see were rated G. When your biggest problem was learning to write your name and people didn't change...and your friends were the same. And every time you were sad or you had a bad day. You could just run to mommy and it would all be okay. I wanna go back to no hurt...and no pain...just laughter. When everyone always lives happily ever after.
~ When I cry at night, the only thing I can think to myself can I seem so---perfectly fine in the morning. Why do I smile like nothing is wrong? And how does not one single person notice that I'm not okay?
~ I don't know what I want in life. I don't know what I want right now. All I know is that I'm hurting so much inside that it's eating me, and one day, there won't be any more of me left. Everything that ever cause a tear to trickle down my cheeks, I run away and hide from it. But now, everything is unwinding and finding its way back towards me. And I don't know what to do. I just know that the pain I felt so long ago, it's hurting ten times more.
~ Teardrops slowly fall from my eyes as I look to the sky, and I question how come life keeps passing me right on by. I just wonder why I can't escape, is this my fate? To always be unhappy and how much longer must I wait...
~ Words hurt more than anything else can, because they last, sometimes forever.
~ It sucks to be alone, even when there are people all around you. -Scrubs-
~ I wanna get lost from my life sometimes, sit on the side and watch the world go by, I wanna get lost and I don't know why. -Everclear-
~ Have you ever lived my life, have you ever spent one minute in my shoes? If you haven't, then tell me why you judge me like you do.
~ Every morning you get up and put on a fake smile...but what if one morning you didn't? Would anyone notice?
~ I'm not saying I have nothing. I'm not saying I'm gone completely. It's just sometimes it's all a bit too much to handle. Sometimes I feel like it's too much. I'm not going to do anything stupid because I know it will get better, it has to right? Otherwise there wouldn't be anyone who would live past their teenage years. But for now, just for now, it hurts.
~ You know sometimes, like when someone dies, and you're sad, and it's ok to be sad? But then there are times when you're supposed to be happy but you're sad anyway...and those times are even worse than the times when you're supposed to be sad.
~ I just don't feel like I know myself very well right now, so how can I be sure about anything? Most of the time I feel so awkward, you know, like I don't belong in my own skin, I get frustrated at everything, I could just scream and there's no reason for it, I just hate myself.
< There's this girl in the mirror, I wonder who she is. Sometimes I think I know her and sometimes I wish I did. There is a story in her eyes, lullabies, and goodbye. When she's looking back at me I can tell...she's hurting inside.
< It's getting colder now and the darkness consumes me. Depression is slowly creeping up. Maybe one day you'll actually care about me.
< Never underestimate the pain of a person because the truth is everyone is struggling. It's just some people hide it better than others.
< She smiles with all that she has left, yet tears are left un-dried. And though she's got so much to say, she bottles it up inside. If you look past her broken eyes to a shadow no one sees, a disguise so you won't recognize, the girl is really me...
< There's nothing more depressing than having it all and still feeling sad.
< I'm tired of being nice to people who don't give a shit about me.
< I'm just a fucked up girl living in a fucked up life in a fucked up world. Welcome to where being me is -*Never Enough*-
< Sometimes the pain's too strong to bare...and life gets so hard you just don't care. You feel so alone you just sit and cry...every second you wish you could die. Then you start thinking who would care...if one day they woke up-and you weren't there.
< I could go on with my day and act like everything is okay. But as my life goes on it hurts more in every way.
< She can't hide no matter how hard she tries, her secret disguised behind the lies. And at night she cries away her pride, with eyes shut tight staring at her inside. All her friends know why she can't sleep at night, all her family asking is she alright. All she wants to do is get rid of this hell, well all she's got to do is stop kiddin herself. She can only fool herself for so long...
< You'll just never know...soo many emotions I choose not to show..
< Know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside, to try to kill the pain on the inside.
< I see the blood all over your hands. Does it make you feel more like a man? Was it all just a part of your plan? The pistol's shaking in my hands...and all i hear is the sound...
< I've been weak and I've been strong. I've been thru the fire and I've been thru the storm. Try to do right and I know I do wrong. Just be happy for me when my life is gone. Cause with no more hurt and no more tears, there will be no more pain and no more fears. No more people in my face that are not sincere. So smile for me when I'm no longer here.
< Just because her eyes don't tear doesn't mean her heart doesn't cry. And just because she comes off strong, doesn't mean there's nothing wrong.
< I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I don't know what I wanna see. My world use to be worth living for, and now it's hard enough just to be me.
< I'm not afraid of the gun in my hand, I'm not afraid of dying, I'm just afraid of the pain it will bring, and to see my best friends crying.
< I'm going to smile...and make you think I'm happy...I'm going to you don't see me cry...and even if it kills...I'm going to smile.

~' I take all this pain...I put it in rhymes...Then you get the chance for the very first time. You get to feel the pain...there's stuff inside all this hate...I don't know if I can handle...I don't know if I can carry this weight...I just wanna let go...I just wanna be's time for all this finally leave me...
'~' You don't understand me and you never will. So don't start that shit 'bout knowin' how I feel.
'~' My life is full of empty promises and broken dreams. I'm hoping things will look up, and right when they do, there's always something to fuck it up, and we're back at square one.
'~' Do you know what it's like to be me? Go through something not everyone can see? Do you know what it's like to walk in my shoes? Please stop judging me simply cause I'm not you...
'~' Things are going crazy and I'm not sure who to blame. Everything is changing and I don't feel the same. I'm slipping through the cracks of floors I thought were strong. I'm trying to find a place where I feel like I belong.
'~' I think I'd do better on my own, no friends, no fights,just me...alone
'~' I fuckin hate this life. Sometimes I think it would be easier just to get a knife. I don't know what to do, I'm cryin every night. It would just be easier if I was outta sight.
'~' I'm tired of trying. I'm tired of crying. I know I've been smiling, but inside I'm dying.
'~' Give me a reason to keep believing taht everything isn't misleading adn kiss the clouds on the rainy days and smile for you when skies are grey. Cause I'm a tear drop away from crying and a few breaths away from dying.
'~' Maybe if I wasn't so good at pretending to be happy, I might learn to actually be happy.
'~' I just want a day to go by...when I'm not pretending to be happy.
'~' I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to kill the things on the inside.
'~' Why do I try not to cry, sometimes I think I could die. But when it comes out, I just want to shout, and scream and cry it all out.
'~' People think she's so strong...because she [pretends] nothing is wrong.
'~' Behind this innocent smile of mine, lay words that go unsaid. Words of longing, love, anger, and hate, all repeating inside my head.
'~' Tears have come and tears have gone. My emotional torment still lives on. The scars right here upon my wrist, are what have helped me get through this.
'~' Have you ever just wanted to die...kill yourself and forget how you tried?
'~' Don't be fooled by her smile, inside she's breaking...
'~' I just wanna end it all. Should I trip or should I fall. Wills omeone be there to catch me when I'm falling to the ground, or will I be there forever lying there with no sound.
'~' Do you ever just get that feeling where you don't want to talk to anybody. You don't want to smile and you don't want to fake being happy but at the same time you don't know exactly what is wrong either?
'~' A strong girl keeps her stuff in line-and with tears running she still manages to spit the simple words "I'm fine."

* Be mindful what you toss away, be careful what you push away, and think hard before walking away.

* Nothing hurts more than realizing he meant everything to you, but you meant nothing to him.

* But things can't be perfect all the time, that I know, sometimes we just have to let some things go.

* And then we hugged each other tighter than we ever had before, knowing that we never would again.

* So here's to teenage romances and never knowing why they hurt like hell.

* I dim my lights & lock my door, as I spread your pictures on the floor. I blow the dust off of our past. I let it all come flooding back, cause it's not easy being strong. & when I forget your gone, I surrender...& have myself a night to remember...

*I wanna believe that you're this perfect guy and everything you seem to be is true. But when I look at you, really look at you, I can tell that I'm just barely scratching the surface. You're that book, with the pretty cover, the one that I just can't wait to to get into. But you should never judge a book by it's cover, because now that I've read far enough into you that I just can't put you down, there will be a twist... and everything will change... and by the last page... I'll be heartbroken.

*It's not that we didn't love each other, it's just love wasn't enough. So I think I have to let go, we have to let go.

* You have to learn when to give up, when to walk away, Even if it hurts...especially if it hurts.

* Sometimes you have to hold your head up high, blink away the tears, and say good-bye.

* There is nothing worse than knowing you're perfect for each other, just not right now.

* I guess to some extent you get used to being alone. You get used to not expecting phone calls and having nothing to do at night. You don't expect to turn around to open arms any longer. The small sounds of him have been replaced by silence. Your thoughts echo through your head, with no one to share them with. All in all, being alone isn't terrible, it just hurts like hell.

* Same old story that everybody knows, it's one heart holding on, one heart letting go.

* We can't be together, you deserve someone so much better than me, and you know it, and it kills me that you know it. I can't handle being in a relationship...constantly scared that you're going to find that someone you deserve.

* I think the easiest way to lose something is to want it too badly.

* I feel like I am holding you back. Like you're missing out on something else by hanging on with me. And I don't want you to miss a thing.

* And all the lonely nights and all the crushing scenes and all the pointless fights. Someone tell me what it means. Someone tell me why hearts break. I'm giving up on happy endings.

* Someone asked me the other day if my glass was half empty or half full. I was going to say it's empty, but that's not completely true. My life isn't void and I have my happy moments; but they usually just seem to disappear, or get worse. So, my glass is cracked. Yes, cracked. It gets filled up with happiness and hope, but it always ends up escaping my grasp. It always ends up empting out. It will never be full because it's always leaking. And one day, it will get thrown away, because no one wants a broken glass.

* Sometimes things get to me too easily...I guess it's just a flaw you acquire when you open your arms to everyone.

* In time, the pain it took to stay, became greater than the pain it took to go.

* You don't need to know any of this. But the things I don't reveal are the things I hold closest and fear losing the most. I work overtime keeping them veiled and camouflaged. You don't need to know that I walk around all day fearing the things that make me happy, and that I have been doing that for my entire life.

* I'm still in the process of ruining something great. Like always. All from a thing I like to call insecurity...the story of my life.

* Or maybe I've been thinking about how to say goodbye to you all week. Maybe I've been thinking about how to make those words come out of my mouth every second of the day since I made the decision to leave. Maybe saying goodbye to you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

* I'm so confused...I mean, I want to let go...I want to let go of all this pain, but I'm afraid I'll go insane...he may come back, I have some hope, but with everything else, how can I cope. I want to let go...I'm going to let go, but if I wait and see, will he come back to me?

*You can't ever let go of all the feelings, but you need to let go of him.

*You've had a lifetime to process your feelings for me and I can't spend the rest of mine hoping that you might throw a general glance in my direction in between your tortured teen romances.

* I learned to laugh, I learned to cry. Will I ever learn to say good-bye?

* They ignore each other and look the other way, but they both know it wasn't supposed to end this way.

* I'm beginning to believe that the only way your ever going to love me is if I magically become her.

* I never knew that seeing another girl hug you could become the largest problem in my life.

* I think the only reason everyone holds on to memories so tightly is because memories are the only things that don't change when everything and everyone else does.

* I've accepted the fact that we can't be, but I've also accepted that you're going to be that one person I carry with me for the rest of my life, the one that is always going to make my heart jump a little and my stomach tie up in knots no matter how happy I am matter how long its been.

* And even though I know he's a jerk and I know all that he'll do is hurt me, I still love him. I still want him. And I hate myself for it.

* Just once I want to be hard to leave. I want someone to stay up all night thinking about me.

* I really think there's a reason that I like him so much. Like something is telling me not to let him go. Everytime I follow my leads me to him. I mean...what other explanation is there? Why is it that he is all I can think about? Why is it that no matter how upset I am...I see him and I can't help but smile? Why is it that when he smiles at me...I get that feeling in my stomach? And even when he'd broken my heart, and hurt me as much as anyone could ever hurt me...when he lied to me...and I hated him...why then did I still feel those same feelings??? Answer me that, and then I'll tell you why I let him hurt me so much.

* I'm through with romance, I'm through with love, I'm through with counting the stars above, and here's the reason that I'm so free, my loving baby is through with me.
-Everly Brothers-

* Anyone could tell me to just give up and move on and I wouldn't...but they don't understand...they don't know him and they don't know what it's like to want him so much.

* It's so weird, you know? How we always inevitably find ourselves wanting to run back to the ones we used to love, for some reason thinking it would work out differently the second time around.

* It is immensely difficult knowing what you once had, and that it can never be the same way again because of one little mistake.

* I don't want to hear you say that I will understand someday. I don't wanna hear you say we both have grown in a different way. I don't wanna start over again. I just want my life to be the same, just like it used to be. Some days I hate everything, everyone and everything.

* They say time will make this all go away, but it's time that has taken my tomorrow's and turned them into yesterday's.

* It's funny how the things you don't do hurts me so badly.

* ...and I bet you'll never remember, the things I'll never forget...

* It's not that I want to be the only girl in your life, I just want to be the only one that matters.

* If I can't have you, I don't want our memories either.

~ Sad thing is, you can still love someone, and
be wrong for them.

~ You know how it is when you don't want to
miss them, but you want them to miss you.

~ When you love someone, you are giving them
the power to hurt you.

~ People change and forget to tell each other.
--Lillian Hellman

~ It's funny how the people that hurt you the
most, are the one's that promised they never

~ Please don't lead me on if you don't care
about me...I'd rather you be with me because
you want to be, rather you feel like you're
obligated to be with me.

~ I want to be someone's last call of the night
and their first thought in the morning. I want
those 5 hour conversations that end in 'no
you hang up first.' I want the heart racing,
palm sweaty, 'what's gonna happen next
moments. I want the hugs that you never
want to let go of & the stolen kisses that are
always the sweetest. But most importantly, I
just want to know someone considers me

~ Cause you deserve so much more than you
receive, listen to your heart and let it show.
Don't hold on to your pain...just let it go, let
it go.

~ You know what I just realized? I'm in love
with you, yes, but I'm in love with the you I
used to've changed too much. All
I can do is hope for the real you to come
back...and then, maybe then, being in love
won't be so bad.

~ It's so hard to show everyone that I'm doing
fine without you when deep inside I'm not.
It's hard because I have to smile when I
really can't hold back my tears...cause as far
as I can see, you're doing fine without me...

~ You said you loved and you'd never let me
go...Now it seems like these tears are all I

~ It's hard to get over him when *everything*
reminds you of him...

~ The bad thing about a girl with a broken
heart is that she starts to hand out the pieces
to anyone who comes around.

~ How do you prepare a heart to be broken, or
dreams to fall through? How do you let go of
a miracle, who means everything to you?
How do you walk away, with tears in
your eyes? Letting go isn't easy, you can
only pray you'll survive.

~ There are so many things I wish I could tell you, but I can't. I'm not sure if you would ever understand because I don't understand half of it. I want to be with you so bad, but I'm so afraid of getting hurt and because of that, I end up getting hurt more. I can sit here and say that I don't care about you and that I'm not going to let you hurt me, and just by saying that I know that you can and have. It's not your fault, it never is. It's me.

~ I'm going out of my mind, with a pain that stops and starts, like a corkscrew through my heart, ever since we've been apart.

~ Maybe she's a little too loud sometimes. But deep down she's shy and hides herself and her heart. This girl doesn't want her heart broken. Not again.

~ I want to do to you exactly what you did to me. I want to lead you on, make you fall for me and then just let go...I want to confuse you like you confused me...but most of all, I want you to feel the pain that I felt.

!~ There's such a thing as holding on
You can love so dearly but find it gone
The things you cherish are soon to leave
I told you once looks can deceive
The memories so bittersweet
My thoughts of you, they aren't a treat
You promised something but surely forgot
The flower told me you loved me not
The sun it faded into the night
The tears they fell like rain from the sky
I held on so tightly never letting go
I promised myself your love would show
But like I said, looks do deceive
You never meant it but I still believed
The stars I wished on, they never fell
The pennies I tossed got lost in the well
The flowers I tore so graciously apart
So many things wasted on a broken heart.

!~ Those who really love you don't mean to hurt you...and if they do, you can't see it in their eyes, but it hurts them too.

!~ Do you ever think of me, and how we used to

!~ I wish that I could tell him how I feel. I wish I wouldn't worry 'bout what everyone else thinks. I wish he would just love me back. And I wish that everything would have a happy ending...but everyone has a dream...right?

!~ It seems that when you want somebody, they don't want you. When they want you, you don't want them. And when you both want each other, something has came and fucked it up...

!~ If ends mark new beginnings, then why are goodbye's so hard?

!~ I don't know what I'm gonna do...I've spent days and nights without hurts me so bad to know you're not there...but you know I love you and you don't even care...I wish I could get you to see how I love looking in your eyes and your gentle touch...but I should move on...I know, but I just can't seem to let go.

!~ I think I've already lost you. I think you're already gone. I think I'm finally scared now. You think I'm weak...I think you're wrong.

!~ I was positive I was in love with you. I was positive it was true. What the hell am I supposed to do? Honey, you broke my heart in two.

!~ Many nights I've cried from the things you do, felt like I could die from the thought of losing you.

!~ I'm going crazy, I don't know what to do...I tried everything and I just can't get over you...after all this I realized it can't be done...deep inside my heart, you're still the one.

!~ Once upon a time you were special, now you're just another guy. So don't lead me on especially if it's a lie. Leave me alone, like the way you've always done. Because you've hurt me too much to be the one.

!~Tears running down my cheeks
this isn't the way it's supposed to be
you'd think by now I'd have realized
I shouldn't need you in my life
But I do, I want you so bad I can barely
breathe and that's what's hurting
That's what's killing me.

!~ It's scary when you realize that the feeling deep down inside that you once thought was love really turned out to be fear of losing someone special and now that your fear has become reality, you're left alone with such painful emptiness inside you.

!~ Is it really that hard to decide what you want to do between me & you? I mean, at one time you wanted me & only me & you sayyou still do but you aren't doing anything about those feelings so I guess when you said that I was the only thing you wanted, you lied cause I've been sitting here waiting for you and you're not coming anytime soon.

!~ Everyday I wanna pick up the phone and tell you that you're everything that I need and more. If only I could find you like a cold summer afternoon, or snow coming out in June, like a wedding without a groom...I'm missing you.

!~ I'm not angry because we broke up, I'm sad because I can't let you go. I'm happy because of the memories we made, I'm sad because I can't stop reliving them in my mind. I'm not angry at you for not loving me, I'm angry with me for still loving you. I'm not angry that I lost you, I'm sad because I once had you. I'm not angry that I can't have you, I'm sad because I know what I'm missing. I'm not angry that you've moved on, I'm sad because I can't. I'm not angry that you won't come back, I'm sad because I keep hoping you will. I'm not angry because I hate you and don't want to...I'm sad because I miss you and I love you.

!~ True love? I used to believe it existed, but when you've had your heart torn out and thrown on the floor, you just don't care anymore.

!~ Forget his name, forget his face, forget his smile, his warm embrace. Forget him when they play our song, Forget you cried the whole night long. Forget how close you two once were, Remember, he has chosen her. Forget you memorized his walk, Forget the way he used to talk. Forget the things he used to say, remember he has gone away. Forget his laugh, forget his grin, forget the dimples on his chin. Forget the way he held you tight, remember he's with her tonight. Forget the times that went so fast, forget the love that now has passed. Forget he said he'd never leave you, ReMeMbEr-she will never be you.

!~ The worst feeling in the world is to have lost the one you love and then still love them with everything you have in you. You go to sleep at night thinking of them, and wake up just the same. But the worst thing is dreaming of him every night, just as if you were still together. Then you wake up crying, because you know it'll never be the same, and you know that it's your fault he's gone.

!~ How could something that seemed so right turn out to be so wrong?

!~ I miss the days you held me and the days I heard your voice. I miss the days you were here. Us fallin' apart was not my choice-I miss the days you kissed me and the feelings we used to show, but most of all, I miss the guy I used to know.

!~ You know how people say that if you wish for something enough it will come true? Well, I've been wishing for you every night and you still aren't here.

!~ I'm in love with the one man I can't have and I have the one man I can't love.....

!~ You told me not to talk to you so I told myself not to cry. But not talking to you for days just makes me wanna die.

!~ I wish I had the guts to just walk away and forget about all we ever had...but I can't...cause I know this time you won't come after me and I guess that's what hurts the most.

!~ All I want is for you to know me again, for me to be in your life. And even if that can't happen right now, I would just like to know that you heard my plea. I would just like to know that I'm not blocked out of your memory.

!~ It still hasn't sunk in yet...I haven't totally realized that he's pushed me out of his heart forever...but I'm not sure I want it to hit me fully yet because I know that, when it does, I will feel pain like nothing I have ever felt before.

!~ You never realize how much you love someone until they're gone. You never realize that...yes...once their love surrounded you but now...what do you have? Memories. Why does love hurt so much, when it's supposed to be such a good thing? It's something that...yeah...I guess it can't be helped but...maybe it's harder for you than it is for someone else. Faint smells of cologne...a song on the radio...a movie...or a single word...these are things that bring back those memories. But, you can't hide from these things...because...they're there and no matter how hard you try to, they'll always be there. Even when you have moved on to the future...and those things don't trigger the memories as much as before...they still do. You can't forget someone that you've may want to...but you can't. Love cannot be matter how hard we try...and how much we think it'll ease the will always be there...forever.

!~ In what seemed like one split second, I lost what I held most dear to the mere blink of an eye it was all I ran after you...and held on as tight as my tiny hand could grasp. Already weak from all the torment I could not allow myself to let go. Love that once shined so bright turned dark and angry...I loved you more than I ever dreamed of loving someone. You were the last star in my big lonely sky. My only dream ever to come true...but now your going to end up like all the rest. I tried...I tried so hard. But my love isn't enough anymore. I will never forget you. My last star has fallen...

!~ I'd like to think I'll be happy again, but I really need to stop and cry right now, and sometimes I wish I could scream at you, and just show you what you do to me.

!~ If you're lucky, you can get a second chance with the one you love. Sometimes luck isn't enough.

!~ The truth is, I gave my heart away a long time ago, all of it, and I never really got it back. - Sweet Home Alabama -

!~ I now compare all guys I like to you and you know what? They never measure up, not even close, and the sad thing is, most are better than you...I just can't see it.

!~ I never thought you'd hurt me, I guess you live you learn, that when you're playing with fire, you're bound to get burned.

!~ I always thought it was dumb for him to pick me in the first place. I'm not special, I never was, never will be. He just made me believe I was and broke my heart when he finally realized I wasn't.

!~ I'm trying really hard not to cry over you cause every tear is just one more reminder that I don't know how to let you go.

!~ Maybe isn't a very good term...maybe I could give up on you, maybe I could stop loving you, maybe I can move on with my life and maybe I can get over you, but maybe you can fall in love with me...maybe you can realize what you are in my eyes and maybe...just can love me too.

!~ It's kinda hard to go out with someone, when you know, deep down, you're still in love with somebody else.

!~ I sat there and stared at you. I just couldn't understand how such an amazing person could be in my life. And then all of a sudden I got extremely kisssed me, and told me not to worry, there was no way you'd ever leave me. I felt a sense of comfort. I believed you. That is, until you left. -Joanne Golden-

!~ They say when you get to heaven that you meet up with the ones you love. Well, what happens if the one you love is with the one they love?

!~ Well, I'm gonna get out of bed every morning...breathe in and out all day long. Then, after a while I won't have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out...and, then after a while, I won't have to think about how great and perfect I once had it. -Sleepless in Seattle-


Coin Operated Boy

coin-operated boysitting on the shelf he is just a toy but i turn him on and he comes to life automatic joy that is why i want a coin-operated of plastic and elastic he is rugged and long-lasting who could ever ever ask for more love without complications galore Many Shapes and Weights to Choose From I will Never Leave My Bedroom I will never cry at night Again Wrap My Arms Around Him And Pretend coin-operated boy all the other real ones that i destroyed cannot hold a candle to my new boy and i'll never let him go and i'll never be alone(go)and i'll never let him go and i'll never be alone(go) and i'll never be alone (go) and i'll never be alone not with my coin-operated boy this bridge was written to make you feel smittener with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer can you extract me from my plastic fantasy i didn't think so but i'm still convencinble will you persist even after i bet you a billion dollars that i'll never love you?and will you persist even after i kiss you goodbye for the last time will you keep on trying? to prove it i'm dying to lose it i'm losing my confidence i want it i want it i want it i want it i want you i want you i want you i want you i want you i want a i want a i want a i want a i want a coin operated boy if i had a star to wish on for my life i can't imagine any flesh and blood could be his match i can even take him in the bath coin operated boy he may not be real experienced with girls but i know he feels like a boy should feel isn't that the point? that is why i want a coin-operated boy with a pretty coin-operated voice saying that he loves me that he's thinking of me straight and to the point that is why i want a coin-operated boy.


She's Gone

She's Gone
so stop looking for her
I killed her
so she can't come back
I tied her up
and threw her away
she'll never come back
this is what you get
so take it or leave it
i know you want her
but i haven't seen her in a long time
she left and i cheered
not because i hated her
but because i never wanted to see her hurt
It kills me when shes in pain
she's been hurt too many times
by people that was susposed to never hurt her again
maybe if you prove to me
that if she's hurting your dying
i'll let her come back
and this illusion you see
will be gone
and the only thing that remains
is the real me

Why? a poem about suicide

He says that he will

If she does

He told me last night

That he will

Does she even know

This could kill him

She makes the wron decision

and it not just wasting her life

it's completely destroying another's

He swore He wouldn't hurt himself

but I can tell

if she does

it would be the end

of not only a friendship

but of a life

and i ask myself

if he kills himself over her

what will happen next

and if he kills himself

because of her

is it really suicide?

if he i hope he leaves a letter to tell me



I Wish I Could Get Him To Stop

At Least That's What He Tells Me

Hey tonight was weird it all started with a call to my friend and then a walk to a park . I played tic tac toe on his stomach and then wrote my name right on his waistline. then we drew all over his face and body...did you know that i can bring a guy to his knees by tickling him......dreaming about you and me well i guess I'm going to bed............................................too bad your not in it tonight cause that would be a dream come true so if you ever want to join me come on in i would love to wake up next to you and i wish he stop thinking of hurting himself hes my friend and i don't think i can handle it if he dies so please pray for lonely _girl's friend he needs the good vibe heading his way and send some my way as well I'll need all the help i can get to try to keep him from hurting himself...I just hope he remembers that he swore on his mother's grave not to cut again I love this guy so much i think of him as my best guy friend so please send love our way and pray for all those people who cant find a way to deal with their pain

I Need Your Help Okay God I Just Need It




Went to my first high school football game now that i'm a senior. it was pouring rain but fun anyways. Senior year is not all dancing and singing like troy bolten wants us to believe. I t is tons of sweat tears and maybe even blood. oh well this is my deep inside story of being a senior who is still a nobody.....god that is a little pathtic is that spelled right see what public school does to you is it bad that im already getting senioritis. can't wait for HOMECOMING


I don't know what to do

Teen killed in rollover crash ID’d

The Allen County coroner has identified an 18-year-old who died Wednesday night after he lost control of his speeding pickup truck, rolling it several times in southeast Allen County.
Matthew J. Miller of Decatur was not wearing a safety restraint device and died of blunt force trauma, according to a written statement from the coroner, Dr. E. Jon Brandenberger.
He ruled the death was an accident, the 22nd traffic fatality for Fort Wayne and Allen County in 2009.
The truck was going west on Hoagland Road when Miller lost control just west of Whittern Road about 9:30 p.m., Allen County police Lt. Tim Schulz said for an earlier story.
Miller went off the road for about an eighth of a mile and then drove across a ditch, causing the truck to roll several times. It came to a rest on the driver's side, Schulz said.
Miller died at the scene. Police said Wednesday they believe speed was a factor in the crash.
Sandra Lee, who lives at Hoagland and Whittern roads, said she heard a "god-awful noise" and came outside to see the truck make its final roll. She called 911 and then ran down the road to find the driver inside the truck.
Lee said teenagers frequently speed on the road, sometimes driving in excess of 100 mph.
The crash remains under investigation by the sheriff's department, coroners, office and the FACT Team.

What do I say to my friend this was her boyfriend.He was nice and a good person the sad thing is he just graduated this year.

crying for her friend


soon to be the best Mommy in the World

No Not Me........................My friend is having a baby girl I can't wait to see a baby that looks like Tia and Micheal. It will look so beauitful.I just wished it happened later on in her life she's only 14 and he's going on 16 so they are way to young but I'm excited for them both. This kid is going to have the best mommy in the world. I'm going to help in anyway I can for both of them. They are going to be great parents and I will beat his ass if he hurts her in anyway,Michael Don't fuck this up.I don't care if your my cousin I will hurt you.

Talk Shit about her I'll Kill your Sorry Ass


More Than Friends Maybe? I Don't Know He Wants To Hook Me Up With Someone

So I was with my sister all day yesterday. you know what's funny the guy I like wants to hook me up with somone. Yeah just my luck right. God I hate my LIFE. I wish I could tell him I LIKE YOU MORE THEN A FRIEND.sometimes i feel as if the whole world is against me.God if your real make it so the friend he wants to hook me up with is HIM!?!

More Than Friends

[Yasmeen]I was just thinking thatMaybe we should be a little more than friendsCuz I like the way we kick it and I don`t want this night to ever endSaid I only wanna be with you...[Lil Crazed]Story begins with only two friendsI was playing the game already known as a neusenceBut truth isThings tend to change within timeSo now I think it`s time for me to say what`s on my mindSee the sparkle in your eyes makes it hard to denyThat I can see a star without looking in the skyLaying next to you gets me twisted and tangledListening to your breathing is like I`m hearing whispers from an angelEasing all my pain and taking away all the stressEven without guide then my life is a sure a mere blessSo I need to tell you now before the story endsI was thinking maybe we should be a little more than friends[Yasmeen]I was just thinking thatMaybe we should be a little more than friendsCuz I like the way we kick it and I don`t want this night to ever endSaid I only wanna be with youI was just thinking thatMaybe we should be a little more than friendsCuz I like the way we kick it and I don`t want this night to ever endSaid I only wanna be with you[Lil Crazed]I remember when we conversated on the phone late at nightGiggle, laugh, while we tickled eachother in play fightsBut it`s strange, I rearranged the game within the same nightGo out and find me a girl to maintain my game tightBut you know the sayingAin`t no game without pain, right?Cuz we had a past, and played the blame gamePlaying nightsLove has a cost, and through that I think I played the priceBut things change, including players and the way of lifeI know this when I was dimYou kept my flame brightAnd I felt ashamed cuz the way my feelings remained outta sightI held back, cuz I was catching a case of stage frightBut now I made some way for a relationship to take flightI was just thinking that[Yasmeen]I was just thinking thatMaybe we should be a little more than friendsCuz I like the way we kick it and I don`t want this night to ever endSaid I only wanna be with youI was just thinking thatMaybe we should be a little more than friendsCuz I like the way we kick it and I don`t want this night to ever endSaid I only wanna be with you[Lil Crazed - Faded Out In Background]I was just thinking thatWe should be a little more than friends girlYou know, it`s time I let you know what I feel (Uh huh)And I need to know what you feelDo you feel the same way?Heh, and uh, sometimes the heart speaks with invisible words to the eye (Yeah)So uh, lemme know, cuz I can`t see it (Okay)But I know your heart knows it, that`s right[Lil Crazed]My eyes remain blurry but my heart has seen the truthAnd my mind is telling me girl I only wanna be with youTo complete my life, there`s only one thing left for me to doIs ask you, would you be my girl[Yasmeen]I was just thinking thatMaybe we should be a little more than friendsCuz I like the way we kick it and I don`t want this night to ever endSaid I only wanna be with youI was just thinking thatMaybe we should be a little more than friendsCuz I like the way we kick it and I don`t want this night to ever endSaid I only wanna be with youLemme know, you gotta lemme knowLemme know, you gotta lemme know...



So last night after being with Olivia.I had a dream that I met this guy.this guy ended up being this vampire.His name was Tristan which is close to Austin I was totally falling in love with a vampire. This vamp didn't even love me back.So I took a safty pin and cut my neck. he smelled the blood and even if he didn't love me he just kill me so he turned me. The thought that went in mind was that i fooled a vampire into turning me so i can be with him forever.

i don't have any idea what this dream means so don't ask me. the thing is i'm not cunning or anything like that.

Forever sounds Nice



I Can't Hate Them

They are things that Teens see that you think we don't like when you were yelling at my mom and mouse went over to get your cousin Bobby and Luke to break it up.I see when you guys fight. I saw when you fought about that slut Mindy I hate her more then I hate anyone due to the fact she slept with my dad. I see how sad you guys are but you won't get a divorce I see this stuff you guys just don't know that i see it. I saw the time you pushed my mother. sometimes I cut myself so the pain goes away but no one knows that I do this so I'm trusting you guys who read this. Help me to get through this. they fight all the time and the sad thing is I'm getting used to the yelling and throwing of items.

A Child Should Never Have To Feel As If Their In A War Zone

I Can't Hate Them



I love him so much I just need the courage to tell him. But I can't do that i don't want to ruin our friendship. maybe babysitting tonight.other then that I'm waiting for school to start. I need to party hard before it does though. you know do a keg stand and take a couple of shots DON JULIO baby


Past Curfew hang time & <3 13 signs your falling in love<3

So tonight I chilled with my best friends in the whole world Man I love these girls. my bestie just needs to remember that he's not worth the tears and that a really good guy wants her. Daniel is just not worth the trouble. we went to talk to Alec before we start walking around and then somehow we ended up in front of her ex's house were we chilled with him. this guy cracks me u. curfew in my city is 11:00 on weekday so we saw a lot of cops driving past us. we finally continue walking home around midnight. damn and when i finally arrived home at 1:00 in the morning mom and dad is fast asleep. Man i love being a teenager.

13 signs your falling in love can't stay mad at him for more then a minute or actually have to try hard to stay mad'll read his/her ims over and over again'll walk really really slow while your with him/her'll feel shy whenever your with him/her

9.when thinking about him/her your heart will beat faster and faster listening to his/her voice you'll smile for no reason

7.while looking at him/her you can't see the other people around you you can only see that person'll start listening to slow songs

5.he/she becomes all you think about'll get high just by their smell'll realize that your always smiling to yourself when you think of them'll do anything for him/her

1.while reading this there was ONE PERSON on your mind the WHOLE TIME



So Hot

I saw the guy i like he has his lip pierced now and man all i was thinking was that i really want to suck on his lip ring. can you imagine doing that to that guy you liked for 5 years Delicious is all I'm saying i would want to do other thing to it as well but that is not for your eyes.

on a different note I want to tell you that God loves you and he you to party up there in heaven when you leave this world say say he's your homeboy
don't you want to just suck on it so fucking hot right but he's mine y'all stay away

Peace Out


Sad Poems I've Written

Can't Take It Back
she slides the straps down her shoulders as he watches on with a satisfied look upon his face
across town a boy looks at his ceiling to become her face once again thinking that the other guy won he shakes his head and wished he had told her how he felt she removes her dress and let it fall to the ground as she kisses the guy who has a winning grin he thinks that He has won she's in his bed she looks out the window as she let him take all of her an hour later she was no longer wanted he got what he was after he sent her away she breaks down on the way to home she gave away her prize to someone who doesn't care let alone loves her she was just a pawn in his game
she already wants to take it back even though she knows she can't

Only Friends

did you realize?every time i see you my heart skips a beat did you know?your smile can brighten my gloomiest day did you want me?to be this way just the way we are did you ever think?when i say love ya it's because i do how could you?not know how i felt when you see me look at you did you figure?i get jealous when i have to hear about her will i ever?come out and say i like you more than a friend I won't tell you though how can i tell you?that i don't want to be your friend
we could be so much more

Broken Promises

"i want to marry you"he told me"we'll be together forever"he promised "i want all of you"he whispered I kissed him and nodded I was told we'll be together so i gave in and let him we made love an it was beautiful he held me in his arms until we woke up he kissed my forehead and got in his car he drove off that afternoon his dad knocked"I've got some bad news"he cried"He has been in a accident"before i can even ask "is he okay?"he said "he died"i fell to the ground I screamed at the heavens"why did you have to take him?"

Forever Goodbye

you weren't there I searched for you but you never showed why do you leave me to deal with this on my own when i needed you more than ever I gave my heart and you left me all alone I was crying begging for you to come back but you never did I can't explain why i can't leave it's like you bring out the real me I've tried to let you go but I'm selfish I will not be without you I can't be without you please realize that I Love You more then i love myself please, please don't say goodbye
because goodbye means forever

Skinny Dipping Dare

So last night around 11:30 my sister comes over and says "hey do you want to babysit for 2 hours" I don't have a life so i said sure why not. I registered for High school this morning I am officially a senior. I can't wait my classes rock well except for digi comm. what the fuck is digi comm anyway.tonight I'm seeing the guy of my dreams. so I'm really happy. Has anyone ever felt totally alone when your in a crowded room that's the feeling i got this morning. I'm talking to my friend Cassie. I'm doing much better today then I was yesterday. I'm glad I don't have the courage to press down. I'm going to be a SENIOR FINALLY!!!!I've been waiting 12 years for this to happen. I want to go skinny dipping at this moment with a couple of guys. Hell yeah does that sound fun or what!?!

Bye for now



They Are NOT You

So there's this guy I like and he is my friend so I really don't want to tell him because it might cause our friendship to disappear. but his name is Austin and he is the guy that makes me smile everyday. I can't tell anyone except my best frien dwho always says "you like him are you sure"
I don't know what to do anymore this whole friend thing is just ruining my life I could love this guy but I won't tell him. SHOULD I SMILE CAUSE HE'S MY FRIEND OR CRY CAUSE I KNOW THAT'S ALL WE'LL EVER BE



Friend till the end yeah right

I'm I the only one who ever felt like I need the courage to press down. and when I say press down I mean with a knife to my wrist. These are the thoughts running through my head when my friend left me last night. when she knows very well that I am still afraid to walk so far alone at night especially after my incident. what kind of friend leaves you alone after you were harassed by two drunken guys. so when I finially got home last night i went into my shower and cried so no one can tell. Life Sucks then you DIE